Arrrgggh! Matey, It's Piratess Haley!

Tinkerbell won best costume!
There's no place like home.Unless you are surrounded by candy!

Whitney Loves all the little baby pumpkins!

This is Halloween!

I get very nestolgic around this time of year. With the holidays and the year coming to an end so quickly. I think about how fast my kids a growning and that I am going to turn around and they will be through with trick or treating and writing letters to Santa Clause. This makes me feel a little blue. I also think back on the trials I was going through a year ago and see that I have survived them. This gives me faith that the trials I currently am encountering will soon be a thing of the past. This teaches me not to get to wrapped up in the drama's of life because soon they will just be a memory. I personally want my memory to be filled with Joy not drama. I guess passing time can be good for putting things in perpective.
Speaking of Joy these pictures of my 3 Lovely Pumpkins give me much Joy!.

It's not all in my head!

So as I may have expressed in my prior blogs how incredibly tired I am all the time. And how my Dr. thought I may be fighting depression. Well it turns out I have a Underactive Thyriod disorder. Some thyroids prefer to be called "less" active. The main symptoms are sluggishness, or exhaustion. Depression or mental exhaustion. Along with other physical symptoms. Wow did that descibe me the last few months. I thought I was maybe pregnant or going crazy. I'm so glad it is something so easy to remedy! And that I found out what it was before all my hair fell out. I am now on a Thyroid replacement meds. And in 4 to 6 weeks I should start to feel improvement. I can't wait because as of present time I feel like crap. It is terrible how your mind and the advisary will bring you down. When you feel yucky most of the time you start to tell yourself some very self defeating messages. "I'm fat and lazy. I'm a terrible mom who is always grumpy." The list goes on and on. I hope as I get better this list will get smaller. I will keep a blog of my progress.

I must write some of our other happenings in our Family. About two weeks ago the Sacramento temple was dedicated. It was a busy weekend for most mormons in this area. The saturday night before we got to go to the Youth temple celebration at arco arena. Haley was able to come along and we were all blessed to see the Prophet and hear him speak. It was awesome! When Pres. Hinckley came out all the youth stood up and clapped and shouted for him. It was wierd but cool to be shouting for the prophet.
Then on sunday we went to the dedication. Monty was able to sing with the temple choir for the forth session. He was right behind President Hinckley's seat. He said he could read his notes in his folder. It was a beautiful dedication and we were very filled with the spirit. After the dedication me and Haley found Monty and he greeted us with a hug and tears in his eyes. He was very overwhelmed with emotion being in the the temple standing next to a Prophet of God. Next we went to the front of the temple and waited for the Prophet to come out to say goodbye. There were lots of people waitng. I had Haley wiggle her way up to the front so she could see. As he came out everyone sang "We thank thee oh God for a Prophet." He waved his cane in the air and smiled. Then His counselore Pres. Monson came out and apostle Tom L. Perry. Elder Perry crossed the street and came and shook Haley's hand. She said he was a nice man. What a neat moment for her. It was a sweet time for all of us.
Well I must go and have a tea party with whitney!

Insomnia!

I was awoken by my two yr. old at about 2 a.m. and now two hours later I am still wide awake. Most nights I just toss and turn but tonight my mind will not shut off. My Doc says my inconsistant sleeping patters could be a sign of depression. Yea for me! I don't have time to be depressed. I feel like a new born. I want to sleep during the day and am awake during the night.
I thought maybe blogging would do the trick of making me sleepy. Maybe I just have too much stuff in my head. The thing that stinks is that my kids are now in school. I'm sure that as I start to get sleepy they will be getting up to get ready. No more sleepimg in here.
So today (or yesterday now) was the first day of school. Haley and Leah are gone most of the day.Leah is in first grade now. I worry about her making it all day. Haley is in fourth and is on the big side of the playground now. I feel too young to have a child in an older elementary class. I miss them during the day but I am glad to give up my role as activity director! Now I only have to worry about afterschool and weekends.
My girls already came home with a stack of forms to fill out, money donation requests and clasroom help sign-ups. I am trying to fight back the urge to sign up for too much. I'm not sure why I have such a hard time letting others do things like room mom and p.t.a. helper. I am either a very service oriented person who likes to participate in my childrens school or I am a bit of a control freak. I would like to think that it is the first one but I think a bit of it is the control things. Oh and I am sure guilt plays a big part too.

So backing up a bit. Monty and I celebrated our 14th anniversary this month. Now I may be young to have a fourth grader but I am really to young to have been married for 14 yrs. What was I thinking getting married so young? It should be against the law. I want to tell all young women that getting married before you are in your twenties is very very hard. At least that is my expierience. The reason I say this is because in your early twenties is when you are figuring out who you are as an adult and a woman. Doing that and trying to figure out how to cohabitate with a man at the same time is just crazy. With all that said I have to also say I have no regrets with my decesion to marry Monty. Hard times and all it has been a beautiful journey thus far. And most of the hard times were the very things that made us grow and brought us closer together. The love we share now is so much deeper than the love we had when we were first married. It amazes me.
So I got some major pampering on our anniversary weekend. Our girls stayed at my parents for the weekend. We just decided to chill here in town. Monty surprised me and got us a couples massage package at a local spa. It was fabulouso! We had a warm foot soak together as we sat in big fuzzy white robes in a candle lite room playing enya type music. We were offered champange which part of me wanted to except but I choose the right and had water in a champange glass instead. Then they came and washed off our feet and took us into a room where we both got messages. It was Monty's first time and I think he is hooked. We both felt sooo relaxed. It was great to have that expierence together. It's amazing me how nice you can be to your spouse when you have released all your stresses and there are no little ones around distracting you. I wish I could encapsulize those moments. The rest of the weekend we just hung out together. We saw Pirates of the Carribean. I have a little thing for Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom is not hard to look at either so that was good. We even went to Sushi, which is an ultimate act of love by Monty since he's not a big fan of sushi or fish. He got the chicken and beef. It was a weekend that recharged my battery.

Speaking of battery charging I need to go try and get some sleep. Good night or good morning. It's all becoming all in the same to me. A

Great end to my day

I had a sweet time tonight at the Sac Temple Open House. I went through the new temple with my family . It was so beautiful. I can't wait to go back. I am so thrilled at the fact that I can drive about five minutes and be at the temple. It is so amazing and such a huge blessing. Even just being able to go and be outside on the temple grounds on any given day will be so wonderful. You feel a mass of peace surrounds you when you enter the huge doors and they shut out the noise of the world. I crave that peace on a daily basis and now it is just a short drive away!
As we were leaving one of the rooms that sealings/weddings are performed in, my Haley(9)say, "I want to get married in this room. It is so beautiful." On the way home I asked Leah (6) what she thought and she said, "I feel like I could feel Jesus. I could feel the holy ghost. And I could feel my spirit."
Words like that fill a mommy's heart.

I'm Bored!

If I hear the words "I'm bored" one more time this summer I am going to scream. Especially if I have just spent a few hours and money spending time entertaining my kids. Since when do you have to be entertained every second of the day? And why is it up to me to figure out that for them?
The other day my nine year old daughter has a friend over and they have only been here for a short while and ask if they can go back over to the friends home. Curious, I ask them why they don't want to stay at our home. They both are very vague and tell me "it's a lot of different reasons."
Eventually the friend goes home so I ask my daughter why they didn't want to play here. She tells me that we just don't have anything fun here to do like her friends have. They have pools, trampolines, video games. "It's just kind of boring here" she says. I am a little taken back by this. Have you seen how many freakin' toys we have. Yeah maybe our toys are geared toward a younger age and my daughter is reaching that tween stage. But give me a break. I offer her some ideas of some creative things she could do... Such as make up dances, do crafts, bake, do their nails. I tell her how I didn't have dish network and video games when I was younger and I found things to do. She replies by saying "Well things are different now mom." All of a sudden I felt like this out of touch old mom that just didn't understand. Wait a minute! My daughter is only nine. Have I let the Disney channel and other children wastelands get to my child? Can they not use their brains to entertain themselves? Or is peer pressure already happening and her friends who have to be entertained 24/7 getting to her? What happen to the days when you raced popsicle sticks down the street gutter and could walk to 7/11 for a slurpee and then top it off with a little price is right? That would be a full day for me.
Actually my daughter has always wanted to be on the go since she came out of the womb. It just hasn't required big expensive toys to do it.
So of course I take her comments of our home being boring very personally. What mom wants to have the "un-cool" home. Then I start to think I have gone wrong somewhere raising my child. She should be content with everything I try to give her. Right!? I feel I try hard to be a mom who teaches my children responsibility and that not all their wishes and wants will be fulfilled. But I also try to be a mother who is fun and playful with her children and also helps to provide fun, happy experiences in their lives. But it just never seems to be enough.
I feel like I am a activity cruise director, Like Julie on the love boat. I am asked every morning and every night what the activities will be for the day. And if all I have scheduled is a load of laundry ,and that is all I have the energy for, well then I will have a boat full of unhappy whinny passengers.
Part of me wants to satisfy everyone and make sure they are having fun and are happy. I worry when they go back to school they won't have anything exciting to say about their summer. But more importantly I want them to want to play at our own home. I don't want my children always playing at other peoples homes.
And then another part of me wants to say (and sometimes does) "If you don't like the activities on this cruise ship than to bad the trip is non refundable!" Or I just want to send them to another ship all together.
I guess my biggest fear is having my children turn out like Veruca on Charlie and the chocolate factory. "I want a golden egg right now daddy!!!!" I can not stand when my children act ungrateful. Or don't notice all that they already have. How do I instill the quality of gratitude in my children? I thought I was
trying to do this but I'm not to sure it is working.
I suddenly am having a memory of a girl I lived across the street from when I was little. She had every Barbie known to man and all the accessories that went with them. She would invite me over sometimes to play with them. I remember coming home after playing with her, to my little set of Sunshine Family Dolls. Kind of a toned down generic barbie. When you squeezed their heads their eyes could pop out. After playing with her barbies my family of partially eyeless dolls had lost their appeal. I don't remember but I'm sure I begged my mom for things I didn't have. I'm sure i told her that everyone else had them accept me. I don't remember her response but I'm sure she said something like "Well if I see it on sale maybe I will get is for your birthday."
So maybe my nine year old isn't that bad. Maybe she is just like her mother but just wanting different toys. Maybe we all have a little veruca in us sometimes. Or the case of the "grass is always greener." I'm sure I look at the people around me and think their toys ie. clothes, cars, home, were better than mine.
If this behavior is normal how do you stop the whining and pouting that goes with it. Has anyone figured out a way around that one?

Three Babes and a Raft

So we just got back from spending several days at Lake Oroville. I was doing well not to sunburn to bad until the very last day. Which I feel is a big defeat seeing that I am not only responsible for lathering up myself with sunscreen but three other little bodies.
We went with my sister and her family along with a couple other families. We basically hung out on the lake all day. It was fun and somewhat relaxing with all the kids. Definantly some good memories.
I'm not much of a skier but I did go on this taco type tube with my sister Jenny and my friend Tammy. The video has not been released for public viewing yet but the whole thing was caught on tape.
Sandwiched in the middle, I white nuckled the handles on the raft. Thing were going okay until Tammy's husband, Mark, decided to drive his boat around ours and make huge wave. So as we are being whipped around the wake we encounter these waves and are tossed off the raft. Actually I'm not sure how but Jenny managed to stay on.
So we swim to the raft and gracefully climb on the raft, NOT! Which again is being filmed. Tammy and I decided we will put the song "I like big butts and I can not lie!" As one of the soundtracks for our video.
We three decide we want to go on the raft some more. We obviously drank way beyond our Diet Pepsi limit and are not making wise decisions.
So we start off and forgetting we are at the end of a rope connected to his boat, Paul (Jenny's Husband), decides he wants to catch up with Mark and go around his boat to make some "payback" waves. So we go flying around his boat and Paul realizes that we are going way too fast and slows down. We are going up and down on some big waves and end up head to head with Mark's boat. But instead of aborting the little raft we three decided to use the raft to protect us from the boat. We succeeded in pushing ourselves away from the boat and tipping over into the water.
I don't think I have laughed so hard in a very long time. I think I need to laugh like that at least once a week. It was the best therapy. The conversation between the three of us on the raft was equally entertaining but must be kept private. "What is said on the raft stays on the raft." Something about coin slots and butt snaps. Like I said "Way too much diet Pepsi".

Happy 9th Birthday Haley!

Haley turned 9 on June 17th. I can't believe how old she is. I feel like she was just Whitney's age. She is one amazing girl. I'm not sure how I got picked to be the parent of such a great girl. I have always thought that Haley was an old soul. Since she was a small baby she seemed older than her age. Some think it is because she is surrounded by her older cousins but I think she was just born this way. She just finished a great year in third grade. She usually keeps her self busy playing the piano, doing gymnastics and playing with friends.

Two days after Haleys birthday she had and accident playing on the monkey bars at the park. She fell on her arm and broke it. So unfortunately most of the things she loves to do have been put on hold. She can however still play with friends and we have figured out a way for her to go swimming. She gets down sometimes because of her arm and the things she can't do. But she has amazed me at her bravery and her spirit to keep trying things that are hard for her to do. She usually insists on trying to do thing on her own. I'm not sure where she got that. I think she will always remember this summer. It will be a growing experience for both of us.

There are a lot of other great parts to Haley besides her broken arm. She is smart and whitty. She has a great since of fashion and can sing and play pretty songs on the piano. She has amazing eyes and a great smile. She has great faith in her Heavenly Father and a strong desire to choose the right. She is just an all around beautiful girl. We love her so much. She is an important part of our family.

You Go Girl! Love you Haley! YO!

"Are you having anymore?"

In the last week or so I have been posed by the question several times, "are you going to have anymore?". These people are referring to children. People ask such questions as. "Do we want to try for a boy?, Are you done?, Are you ready for another one?".
I can't help but feel like I am sitting at a dining table, I have already finished my plate, and in my case I haven't just had seconds but thirds. And I get asked if I want more.
Do you know that feeling when you think you could still eat a little more because at that particular moment it tastes so good, and so you agree to have another helping. But then about twenty minutes after you eat you feel dreadfully sick and wished you would have stopped two helpings ago.
This is where I am at. Do I take another helping and enjoy the precious moments of childhood and having a new little spirit in our home. Savor the flavor of sweet soft baby skin, kisses and cuddles. Is there just one more helping, one more child waiting to be a part of our family?
But then there is the other side of the plate. Will I feel completely stuffed and stretched in more ways than one? Can my body go through this again? Literally being stretched, the weight gain, the nausea, the weight gain, varicose veins, the headaches, did I say the weight gain!? Particularly in the upper breast region. And then there is the stretch on my mental health. Can I still be a good mommy when I am going through sleep deprivation, post pardum depression, no alone time with just myself or my husband. Or will I just turn into the wicked witch of our house?

So as I sit with a blank and flushed face, starring at my plate. I am barely able to eat the portions I've been given. And then I look back at those people asking me if I want to have anymore. And I tell them, "I don't know right now, I'm still trying to let what I've already eaten digest."

More Birthdays

Last week we celebrated Monty and Leah's birthdays. Leah is a big six year old and Monty turned the wise old age of 37. For some reason that sounds much older than 36. He still feels like he is in his mid twenties. Fortunately he doesn't act like it.

Leah is finishing her year in kindergarten. She has grown up so much this year. Besides getting taller she is reading and doing math. She is starting to become much more responsible and helpful at home. She still has her amazing unique personality. She is always thinking and trying to figure out why things are the way they are. She loves to play with friends and dance and sing. Last week she gave the lesson for family home evening. She did such a great job.
We recently went skating and when we first got to the roller rink she was very hesitant to go skate and wanted to hold my hand the whole time. After one time around the rink she dropped my hand and said, "see ya mom". As if she was a pro skater after one round. It's great to see your childs confidence grow right before your eyes. GO LEAH!

Picture proof we had fun on our vacation!

Say Cheese!

Waiting for the parade! 

Leah and Whitney driving 

Haley's first car 

Cute Girls 

Giving loves in line 

Flying High 

Pure Joy! 

Haley in her styling Tink hat 

Princess Leah! 

Haley's Big Bed 

Dancing with Buzz 

Tigger TTFN! 

We love Goofy! 

Haley & Leah on Dumbo

Grizzly River Run surviors 

The Happiest Place on Earth

We made it through three days of Disneyland resort with three kids! I was a little frighten at the thought of going to Disneyland with an active two year old. I did not want to be one of those all to familiar scenes at the supposed "Happiest place on earth", were the parent is screaming at the child to behave or the child is screaming at the parent for something, or the parents are screaming at eachother. I've always wanted to go up to those people at that moment and say, "Isn't this just the happiest place on earth?". But I do have some tacted and so I refrain.
luckily we escaped without having a scene like that of our own. Fun was had by all and we came home still loving eachother. Some of the Highlights of the trip.

Leah went on the TOWER OF TERROR! She said it gave her 100 butterflies in her stomach.
Whitney saw Pooh Bear for the first time. So cute.
Daddy riding space Mountain with his girls.
Whitney danced with Buzz light year.
Mommy had a hot fudge sundae from room service at the hotel.
Haley, Leah, Whitney, & Mommy got to dance in the parade at California adventures.
Haley and Mommy got soaked on splash mountain!
Cotton candy and merry go rounds with Leah and Whitney.
Haley and Leah got to sleep in big fluffy beds at the hotel.
Mommy and Daddy got their own room!
Spending time with grandma Ballard in Long Beach.
No meetings, no carpool, no alarm clocks just fun, fun,fun!

My neweest friend Pooh Bear! 

Got to keep my 8 teeth clean 

Splish Splash 

The Birthday Girl! 

Whitney's Two!

Whitney had her Birthday on March 4th. I don't know where the time has gone. She has grown so much and is turning into such a fun little person. Her vocabulary gets bigger everyday and she will repeat pretty much anything you say. Which some times is not a good thing. Some of Whitney's loves are her bottle (hopefully this will disappear soon), being wrapped up in her blanket, noodles, grapes, and cheese. She loves to dance and sing. Some of her favorites are popcorn popping, do as I'm doing, and the wheels on the bus song. Whitney has a fetish for shoes and hats. She loves to play dress ups and put funny glasses on her face. As soon as she is dressed up she is ready to take her baby for a ride somewhere. Her favorite shows right now are still Barney, wonder pets, Dora, wiggles and the big comfy couch.
Whitney is an absolute love bug! She loves to cuddle, hug, kiss, say hi and bye to anyone walking by. One of her favorite places to be is on her daddies lap in front of the t.v. with her milk in one hand and her other hand on her tummy with her finger in her belly button. She also loves to be on the go. Loves the outdoors especially the park. She could swing for hours if we let her. She has no fear and will run, climb, jump, roll, and swim(if she knew how), just about anywhere. She keeps us on our toes.
We are so blessed to have her in our lives she is a ray of sunshine on a gloomy day.
Yeah for Whitney, Happy Birthday!

Waiting Rooms

I think waiting rooms were invented so God could give us a sneak peek of what hell may be like. This is what I was thinking as I sat with my husband in the ER waiting room last Monday. Our day started out going to a doctors appointment for Monty at about 11a.m.. He had been having bad abdominal pains for about three days. After an examination the doctor encouraged us to go to the ER so they could do further test and make sure it wasn't anything serious. We had no idea at that time what a long day we had ahead of us.
I would like to think that I have a general love and compassion for others. But all that was coming forth for the majority of the people around me was annoyance, disgust and a feeling of nausea. The man to my left looked as if he hadn't showered in a good month. He apparently had a case of chronic hiccups. They came every 5 seconds. It was a little like what Chinese torture must of been like. You slowly start to go crazy hearing the sound "Heeeep!, Heeeep!" in a high pitched tone over and over. After about an hour he fell asleep thank goodness. Behind me was a women who felt the need to talk loud enough for everyone in the hospital to hear. She had something wrong with her foot and hobbled over to triage to yell at the nurse that she was not being seen fast enough. She was unsatisfied with the response she received from the nurse and hobbled back to her seat *itching about it the whole way. Then we had a guy who dressed like a pimp with an oversized jacket, huge sunglasses and a hat come in with his Russian girlfriend. They apparently didn't understand that you couldn't sign in and then leave the ER for a few hours without losing your spot in the calling order. We had at least three different people with barf buckets. Which just looking at the buckets is enough to make me gag. But then when they really started to puke I had to plug my ears to not cause a ripple effect. I started to fear I would get sick just from sitting in the waiting room. After 2 1/2hrs. Monty was called into triage. Finally we were going somewhere. Right? Wrong. There was not enough room in the ER to accommodate everyone. So after 10 minutes of being checked out we got sent back out to hell. They would continue for the next 5 hours to treat and test Monty and the majority of the other People from the waiting room. I'm not sure how Monty endured this, he wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything nor was he given any drugs to numb the pain. By the time evening came a whole new group of people with different ailments came in. A big tall white guy with a shaved head brought his daughter in to go see his wife who was one of the few who were given a room. As soon as he was told that they couldn't see her together he pitch a HUGE fit. Profanity was flying all over the place out of this mans mouth. Apparently he was concerned enough about his eleven year old daughter that he wouldn't leave her alone with the nurses but swearing and showing ample amount of disrespect to the ER staff was just fine for his daughter to be present for.
On the flip side of hell I did see some good things. Across from me was a white haired woman in her mid 80's accompanied with two friends. They assisted her in and out of the ER and stayed with her the entire time she waited to be treated. I watched them tell jokes and laugh with each other. I admired their friendship and hoped that when I reach that age I will have good friends who I can laugh with and stand by me when I am in need. There also was a couple who were probably in their forties. The women obviously felt very ill. Her husband was so tender with her. He was constantly comforting her and making sure she was well cared for. I also saw a young mother with her a sick child, a couple who looked like they were expecting their first child. A women with her elderly mother who seem to be suffering from alzehiemers. It was endearing to watch these people take care of their loved ones.
As I watched each of these people I wondered what their stories were. Why they were there and how they got there. What kind of family life they came from. I guess in the midst of disgust for my surroundings I did still have some compassion for the people around me. Even though all these people had different packaging on the outside and different ways of expressing their worries, they were all there for the same reasons. To be seen, heard, listen to and cared for.

In the end after all the test were done, Monty was sent home with pain killers and some antibiotics. He has a condition called Diversticulitis. So after sitting in Hell for 9 hours he was basically told to take these pills and drink water and eat more fiber. The good part of all this is that even though our surroundings were not optimal Monty and I did get to spend a lot of time together. Hopefully we will not be returning there for another date anytime soon.

I feel pretty!

If I did not wear torn pants, orthopedic shoes, frantic disheveled hair, that is to say, if I did not tone down my beauty, people would go mad. Married men would run amuck. - Brenda Ueland


This quote is on my calendar this month. Today I feel like the picture that should go with it. I've been painting all day. I haven't showered. I'm wearing a bandana on my head, old overalls and a camp t-shirt. Not a stitch of make-up and a red nose from a cold. I am the epitome of nasty. I'm suppose to go out in an hour and I am wondering if I should tone down my looks so I don't have men running "amuck" as the quote says. Actually I love this quote because what it says to me is that being beautiful is all in the attitude. You may have on sweats and your hair up in a bun, but girl, you are still gorgeous!

Beauty is

Creativity, Spirituality, Kind Heart, Hardworking Hands, forgiveness, patients, welcoming smile, laughter, generosity, teaching a child, singing a lullaby, listening ear, a good sweat, a new recipe, fresh laundry, time to meditate, loving life, enjoying the moment, recognizing the surrounding beauty.

Don't get me wrong I am all for having cute hair, getting a pedicure and putting together an outfit that makes me look 10 lbs. thinner. But I would love to have the attitude that I am still beautiful even on the days I don't make it to the salon.

He's our daddy! 

Me And My Girls