In the last week or so I have been posed by the question several times, "are you going to have anymore?". These people are referring to children. People ask such questions as. "Do we want to try for a boy?, Are you done?, Are you ready for another one?".
I can't help but feel like I am sitting at a dining table, I have already finished my plate, and in my case I haven't just had seconds but thirds. And I get asked if I want more.
Do you know that feeling when you think you could still eat a little more because at that particular moment it tastes so good, and so you agree to have another helping. But then about twenty minutes after you eat you feel dreadfully sick and wished you would have stopped two helpings ago.
This is where I am at. Do I take another helping and enjoy the precious moments of childhood and having a new little spirit in our home. Savor the flavor of sweet soft baby skin, kisses and cuddles. Is there just one more helping, one more child waiting to be a part of our family?
But then there is the other side of the plate. Will I feel completely stuffed and stretched in more ways than one? Can my body go through this again? Literally being stretched, the weight gain, the nausea, the weight gain, varicose veins, the headaches, did I say the weight gain!? Particularly in the upper breast region. And then there is the stretch on my mental health. Can I still be a good mommy when I am going through sleep deprivation, post pardum depression, no alone time with just myself or my husband. Or will I just turn into the wicked witch of our house?
So as I sit with a blank and flushed face, starring at my plate. I am barely able to eat the portions I've been given. And then I look back at those people asking me if I want to have anymore. And I tell them, "I don't know right now, I'm still trying to let what I've already eaten digest."
Monday, April 17, 2006
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2 comments:
I didn't know you had still been blogging, because i had checked several times and there was an error screen or something on your blog. anyway, i totally understand your plight. i think just digesting and waiting is a perfectly fine plan. that's where i'm at. and it's kind of nice to not have a particular agenda,.
by the way, are we going to ever have this play date?
I am still blogging but I just realized it has been awhile since my last post.
I would love a play date. I tried to e-mail you back last week. Did you get it? A
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